Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
