so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
