You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
