Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
