No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
