Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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