I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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