All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i want to swaddle you in tequila
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
