im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
