Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
