I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
