dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
