Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
