I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
