So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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