dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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