i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
