Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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