He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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