I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
