just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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