Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize