Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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