I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
