im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
