haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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