i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
