You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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