Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
