Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
