So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
God, I missed his penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
