you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize