Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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