this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
one might say we're banned from that church
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
