my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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