how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
