Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
