Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
