I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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