9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
