Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
