My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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