I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
