After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
