i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
