also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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