I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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