The maid of honor just puked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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