One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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