My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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