So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
