I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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