I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
