I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
