I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
