i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
