just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
