so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
