ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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