I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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