i just wanna soil my oats bro
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
