They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
