And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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