Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
