Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
