He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
