Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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