fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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