Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
