On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize