Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
