im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
