i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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