So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
