instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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