some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
