YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize