Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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