she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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