I looked at my own cervix.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
