five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
