What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
