the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
