On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
