the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The air taste purple.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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