You can't motorboat a personality
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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