Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
