I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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